Gibb's Communication

I am not a big runner however I decided that on my bucket list I want to run a half marathon.  The other day I ran 3 miles in 32 minutes and I thought that was really good for me being that I am not a runner.  I was really proud of myself and I wanted to tell my cousin about it.  So I told her and she came back at me with oh yea I am not really a runner but I can run 5 miles and it is nothing to me and I smoke.  Since she came at in a very competitive manner this put me on the defense.   In this situation I can identify some of Gibb’s defensiveness-producing communication behaviors.  There was evaluation vs. description in which my cousin was very judgmental, control vs. problem orientation in which my cousin made me feel my opinions are wrong and superiority vs. equality in which my cousin conveyed she was better than I was.   

Affirm and Assert

One concept from the reading I thought was interesting was the affirm and assert yourself.  I found it interesting that the interpersonal communication principles don’t just apply to other people they also apply to yourself.  I think for me this is the biggest hurdle I need to overcome.  I have troubles communicating with others because I don’t like to assert my feelings and thoughts because I am always worried about what the other person is going to think.  I also feel the need to always please others and not upset them by saying something.  This issue with thinking about what others think about me is exhausting.  However, this is the main problem in my life which is holding me back.  I need to be able to express my feelings and voice my opinions more so that others can confirm me. When others know what I am feeling and thinking they are able to confirm my feelings. 

Confirm v. Disconfirm

                I have found it difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them.  However, reading this chapter helps me understand between confirming people and/or their ideas.  There are three different ways you can confirm either people and/or their ideas.  Recognition is, “recognizing that another person exists.”  This means that if you disagree with someone you may ignore them and not acknowledge their presence by not looking at them.  Acknowledgment is the way one acknowledges what others feel, think or say.  By confirming others through acknowledgment we can give a head nod or use paraphrasing to communicate that we are listening to what the other person is saying.  If you disagree with someone you may use acknowledgement by completely ignoring what the other person is saying and start talking about something completely different.  Endorsement is the way in which we accept another person’s feelings and thoughts.  If you disagree with someone you may reject the feelings they are expressing and deny their emotions.  I think by understanding these levels of confirmation I can distinguish between confirming people and confirming their ideas.  If I do find myself in a disagreement I need to confirm them rather than disconfirm them by acknowledging they are there, recognizing their feelings and accepting their thoughts.  

Rational-Emotive Approach to Feelings

I think the rational-emotive approach to feelings is interesting.  It is a pyramid which consists of 4 steps.  This approach to feelings uses rational thinking and self talk to challenge emotions which may be debilitating to relationships and healthy self-concepts.  The first step is monitoring your emotional reactions to certain events.  It is important to be in touch with your emotions and understand what is happening with your body and your nonverbal behavior.  The second step is to understand which situations make you feel unpleasant.  The third step is to tune into your self-talk and identify whether it is telling you that you shouldn’t feel certain emotions.  The fourth step is to use self-talk so you can challenge the fallacies which can challenge your emotions.  I think using these 4 steps can be so important to really understanding your feelings and emotions.  I think self talk is so important and can either be positive and work for us or be negative and work against us. 

Fallacies

The fallacies about emotions are: perfectionism, obsession with should, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness and fear of catastrophic failure.  These types of fallacies, “sabotage realistic appraisals of ourselves and our feelings” (p186).  I think in my interpersonal communication I see perfectionism, taking responsibility for others and fear of catastrophic failure.  Perfectionism is when we have unrealistically low self-concept which can cause chronic dissatisfaction with self.  Taking responsibility for others is when you think you are responsible for others feeling and feel guilt for how others feel.  Fear of catastrophic failure is when you have extreme negative feelings about scenarios of what could happen and inability to do things because of what might happen.  In my interpersonal communication I need to be able challenge these fallacies by using my self-talk.  By using positive self-talk and minimizing negative self-talk we can challenge these fallacies.  By using positive self-talk we can minimize the irrational thoughts that bring us down.