Family

To me a family is defined as having two parents and children.  This can include married parents or two people who are cohabiting.  It can also include adopted children or biological children.  However, I think a family does need to include children because if it were just two people I think that would be defined as a couple.  Family members care for each other and are there for you in times of need.  They are also there to provide emotional support and usually can be trusted.  There are many types of relationships which I consider family like a heterosexual man and women who have been married for 12 years and have two children, two gay men who have cohabited for 20 years who have an adopted son and man and woman in their second marriage who have 5 children from their previous marriage.  I think some of the relationships that don’t fit my definition of family would be a single man who has built a close relationship with friends whom he considered his family and a child-free lesbian couple.   However, now that I look at some of the relationships I see that my definition is very narrow.  I think a grandmother who raises her granddaughter and a single mom whose mother just moved in with her can also be considered a family. 

Types of relationships

Since I am newly married I thought the section about relationship types was interesting.  There were 5 different relationship types of marriage relationships.  The five types are vital marriage, total marriage, passive-congenial marriage, devitalized marriage, and conflict-habituated marriage.  When I look at my relationship in my marriage I think it is like total marriage.  My husband and I are very close emotionally and want to be together physically but we have some different interests.  We love being together but also take the time to enjoy activities separately with our friends.  When I look at my parents marriage before they got divorced for many years they had a conflict-habitual marriage.  They were not compatible but my mother fought to keep the marriage together for me.  So I grew up with them fighting a lot and I never really saw any love in the marriage.  I want to believe that a marriage can be a great thing for many years if you are compatible and continue to work through problems in an appropriate manner through good communication.        

Marriage

I think it is interesting to see how the trends in marriage have changed over the years.  I think back to the 50’s when people got married very young.  The women were stay at home parents and the men were the breadwinners.  They didn’t really believe in divorce and would stay together even if the love was lost or the marriage was bad.  However, nowadays marriage is not looked at the same way.  People nowadays think about marriage very loosely.  They don’t feel like it is a binding agreement between two people and that divorce is not a big deal.  I think the way marriage has changed throughout the years will continue to change in the years to come.  I don’t think that marriage will be important to people in the years to come.  I think that cohabitation will become more popular than marriage.  Unfortunately, I think the institution of marriage will be lost.  I am one to hope that it doesn’t because even though my parents divorced and my husbands parents divorced I still believe it is a wonderful thing.  I hope one day everyone will have the right to marry which I hope will save the institution of marriage.  

Navigation

I think the concept about navigation was really important to me.  Since I am a newlywed I find that the concept of navigation is very important in a marriage.  Navigation is the process of staying committed and living a life together despite ups and down.  I think navigation is important to have a successful marriage.  Partners always experiences tensions however navigation is the process in which partners work through new problems, revisit old ones and adapt.  Navigating involves preventive maintenance and periodic repairs which help to keep intimacy satisfying and healthy and to deal with any serious problems.  Since I am a newlywed I am learning how to work through different tensions that arise in our marriage.  We are learning how to communicate with one another to create a successful marriage.  The concept of navigation is a concept that will always be in the back of mind as I journey through the trials and tribulations of being married.         

Love vs. Commitment

Love and commitment are two different concepts.  Love is a feeling based on the rewards of our involvement with a person.  Commitment is a decision to remain in a relationship.  Often times these two concepts are intertwined but can be separate in certain relationships.  When I was in junior high school I knew this guy who I became so smitten with.  I thought I was in love but we were never in a committed relationship.  I feel my friends and I are in committed relationships without being in love.  I am invested in my friendship with them however I do not love them.  I think the separation between love and commitment can be seem among males.  I think many males can be in love with a woman however I don’t think they truly want to be committed.  I have never thought about love and commitment as two separate concepts but now I know it is possible for them to be separate in different relationships.

Deceit

I think online relationships definitely have the potential for deceit.  You can act a certain way online and look a certain way.  However, I think face-to-face relationships can also have the potential for deceit.  You can see this when a married person goes out and takes off their wedding ring to seem like they aren’t married.  They can also rent an expensive car for the night to seem like they are wealthy.  So I think whether it is a face-to-face relationship or an online one there is always a potential for deceit.    I don’t think it is ethical for people to do this because it creates a false sense of security.  People buy into these lies and essentially fall in love or become committed to someone whom they don’t even know.  I think this can mess with someone’s head because if they find out who the true person is it can affect the way enter into another relationship.  It could be hard for them to trust another person which would make them put up barriers.  

Communication and Friendship

In order for communication between friends to be satisfying there needs to be good interpersonal communication.  Friends need to be open, empathic, equal etc.  They also need to use verbal and nonverbal communication effectively.  The way you discuss emotions and resolve conflicts is also really important in a friendship.  We should engage in dual perspective in our friendships.  This helps us understand what our friends are feeling and thinking and helps us accept that.  In friendship it is also important to communicate honestly.  In order for a friendship to be successful people need to be open about their feelings and emotions.  In friendships we should be open to diversity among other people.  This will open our eyes to all different ways of life.  The last important part of a good friendship is not sweating the small stuff.  We can’t dwell on the small things and this mean that we won’t like everything about our friends but we need to learn to accept their differences.       

Best Friends

My best friend is someone who I have known since junior high school.  Our friendship began with just hanging out in a group of people and then in high school we became really close when we went on a trip to Europe together.  We formed our closeness through shared experiences and talking.  When we do things together it really bonds us and that is what keeps us so close.  We are not only really close but we accept each other and all of our flaws.  When we are with each other we don’t ever feel the need to try and impress one another.  It makes it very easy to be around her because I can be myself.  We have a lot of trust in our relationship which allows us to be confident that we will be there for one another.  It also lets us understand that when we are troubled we can trust that the other person will care about our welfare.  We support one another through listening to each others needs.  This is why our friendship is still strong to this day.