Listen to support others

I thought the listening to support others was an important way in which the listener can adapt their listening skills.  By adapting your listening skills you can become a more effective listener.  I thought this was a really important section because I just recently got married and I think communication and listening is important for our relationship.  Being mindful of what the other person is saying is important in terms of what they are feeling, thinking, needing and wanting.  It is also important to understand their perspective.  Using paraphrasing is an important method to convey the others’ meanings or needs back to them.  It is also a way we can clarify what they are feeling.  This is important in a relationship because you are able to understand how the person is feeling by using good listening skills.  Once you understand the person you are able to communicate your support.  This shows the other person that you really care and understand what they are saying.                     

Listening 10 Part Skill

“Listening is a 10 Part Skill,” is an interesting read.  It is about how improving the way we listen and using effective listening can improve our performance.  I thought it was interesting that as a listener even if the subject is dry and boring you need to pick out something that can be useful and find an interest.  When you are listening it is important to focus on the content rather than how it is being delivered.  Some people get too caught up on how someone is speaking and completely ignores what the person is saying.  So in order to understand the content the listener needs to ignore the delivery and focus on the content.  I thought the part about holding your thoughts until you thoroughly understand the speakers’ thoughts is really important.  I have troubles butting in while someone is talking even before they have finished what they were saying.  It is really important to give speakers our conscious attention.  As a college student I don’t’ give my conscious attention in class.  If I did listen better in class it would profit me because all I am doing now is harming myself.  In order to give my conscious attention I need to avoid distractions like my phone and put it away.   By becoming a better listener is it not only better for me it is better for the relationships that I have with other people. 

Nonlistening communication

The six types of nonlistening discussed in this chapter are pseudolistening, monopolizing, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening.  I find that the most common type of nonlistening in my communication would be pseudolistening.  Since I am a student I tend to do this type of nonlistening in class when the professor it talking.  I am usually always on my phone texting or looking online while the professor is talking and every now and then I look up to make them think I am listening.   I also have found that sometimes I do this type of nonlistening with my husband.  He loves his hobbies and loves to talk about them.  However, when he talks to me about hockey or what parts he needs to rebuild his motorcycle I tend to use pseudolistening.  Since I am using this type of nonlistening I give him irrelevant responses because I wasn’t really paying attention and listening.   Since I engage in pseudolistening my husband often times thinks I don’t care about him and his hobbies.  I don’t like that he feels this way because I am interested in what makes him happy it is just the things he does aren’t interesting to me.  So I need to listen to him better to support him.  I think paraphrasing would work to help me understand what he is saying and make him feel like I am listening to what he is saying.  By doing this it will hopefully eliminate my tendencies to engage in pseudolistening and make him understand that I am really listening and really do care.  

Own Your Feelings

I thought the section about owning your own feelings and thoughts was so interesting.  The section talks about how we don’t take responsibility for how we feel and what we think.  I am taking a health science class and we just learned about communicating better.  To be a better communicator we need to use “I” instead of “you.”  What I found interesting is that I catch myself doing this a lot.  When my husband and I get into a heated conversation all I say is “you make me feel” and not “I feel”.  When saying “you make me feel” the person you are talking to immediately goes into defense mode because what you are saying makes them feel like they are being attacked.  In order to have successful communication you need to take responsibility for your own feelings and say “I feel” and not “you make me feel.”  I have been trying to own my feelings lately and I feel it makes communicating with others much better especially when I get in heated conversations with my husband.  By owning my feelings in a heated conversation I find that the conversation doesn’t escalate and get out of control.     

Hate Speech

Hate speech is a type of speech which is racist and/or anti-Semitic.   The first amendment gives us the right to freedom of speech.   Anybody who has an issue with somebody or something can stand up and speak their mind.  Since the first amendment gives you the right to speak your mind hate speech is protected.  There have been many cases which have tried to ban the use of hate speech however there is a debate as to whether it is constitutional or not to ban it.  I found it interesting how many times the laws against speech are used to ban minority speech rather than the majority.  This is the case in Canada in which gay and lesbian speech is banned.  I honestly think that hate speech shouldn’t be banned.   I think our freedom of speech is very important.  I think people should have the right to say what they want as long as it isn’t a direct threat or incitement to violence or terrorism.  There is a fine line between being acceptable and being illegal.         

Jigsaw Puzzle

The Reverend Jesse Jackson refers to the United States as a rainbow and a family quilt.  I think of the American society as a jigsaw puzzle.  There are so many different pieces which can be different shapes and colors that all intertwine to become one beautiful picture.  I think of the American society like a jigsaw puzzle because every one has a difference whether it be religion, culture, race etc. who make up the American society.  I can see how the metaphor that America is like a melting pot can be disrespectful.  I think that everyone’s difference should be celebrated.  Differences shouldn’t be belittled and thought of as less valuable.  I think our world would be very boring if it was cookie cutter like and everyone was the same.  The traits that make each one of us unique are the things that make our society interesting.  So by calling it a melting pot it dismisses everything that makes the American society unique and interesting.